happy un-holidays!

Ok so here's the deal...I am a fraud.  I have been trying to participate in the holiday season in all the traditional ways...the ways that have gotten me through my first 30 some years.  I, for some reason, thought that if I just kept on driving by lights, trimming trees, baking cookies, and all the other holiday falalalaing that I would slip into my typical, festive Christmas place.  Well folks it's not going to happen.  Christmas is less than a week away and I now know that no matter how many carols I listen to it is not going to be like it has been...it is going to be different....

my grandmother passed away and because of this I have become the quiet spectator; watching my friends with their families, I am watching b light up everytime he sees a santa or twinkly light, I am watching mr. french send off Christmas cards and I am quiet...I am taking it in for the first time.  This Christmas I am not my typical make-it-happen self..

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and the thing I have come to notice is that it is beautiful from this point of view.  Perhaps this is one final gift from my grandmother; this lovely view.  I am not thinking about presents or festivities and I no longer feel the need to try. I think that next year it will be different.  It will be traditional, like it has been and I will be ready then...however, now I am content with the un-holiday I have created...

Which brings me to this beautiful "tree."  I was visiting sweet corine last night and stumbled upon this tree...so different than the pine number sitting in my front room...but so beautiful....xo